The Pillows that Just Happened
Last fall I made some pillow covers for my little loveseat in the front room (where I sew), and I never really loved them. I had been seduced by a bold print at the fabric store. I actually still love the fabric, but I didn't like how it made my little nest feel. So last week I decided to make something new.
A friend of mine (who has an amazing food blog) had given me some leftover fabric that I just fell in love with and knew I wanted as my pillows. But I didn't have enough. I hadn't originally thought of quilting the pillows, since I already have SO MUCH going on in that room, but I decided to play with fabric and just let it happen.
Yes, I decided to let the process just happen.
I almost hyperventilated just contemplating this thought of wild abandon.
I have never done that before. I have never just played with fabric. I have never allowed myself to just grab things from the shelf, put them together and just react to them. I've always had some kind of plan or scheme or recipe I'm following. This time, I didn't think at all, I just pulled pretty things and let them, well, speak to me, really.
I have to tell you, it was a completely transforming experience. I mean, I hate to sound all gushy and like angels sang and all that, but, you guys, that's exactly what happened. It was like a whole section of my brain opened up and went, "OH!"
I love them, I really do, and I so rarely really love things that I make. Maybe because I am a person who hasn't known who I am and what I'm doing in the world, not even what I like. I have never trusted myself enough to follow my instincts like everyone says you should, and so as a result have never been really in love with my choices.
But then, I did, I let go and followed my instincts, and made something that made me really happy. Who knew?
Of course, I might have made something really awful, but it STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME. It would have been awesome because instead of letting my extremely high amounts of anxiety drive me to try and over-control every little bit of the creative process, I would have LET GO. I would have let the process just happen. And THAT, whether the resulting product is good or bad or ugly or beautiful is bliss. It's soul-drenching, watering the very core of my drought-weary being, bliss. I have opened the door and I can't go back now. Where will it lead me? I have no idea. But it's a new world for me.
What is your way to be creative? Do you follow a recipe or let it just happen??